just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
