Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
