Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
