Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
