nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
