Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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