I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
