Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
