i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
