Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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