I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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