you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
