I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
