I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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