Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
