so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
