you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
