Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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