I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
