Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
