also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
