Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
