my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
