fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I want to fling myself into the sun
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
