sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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