You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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