you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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