i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
