You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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