Your face is a jimmy john
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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