Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
