This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just invented taco cereal.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
