I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
a search helicopter?!
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Damn victory sex feels great
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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