is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I currently don't understand fingers.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
