what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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