Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
