had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
