Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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