her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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