Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
