September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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