Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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