What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
