Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize
