There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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