I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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