We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
