I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
