i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize