Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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