I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
