New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
