I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
