She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
