I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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