TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Less talking, more tequila
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
