She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
