party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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