Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
