I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
