I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
