i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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