you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
