i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
