using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Do you remember whose house we're in?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
