drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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