The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
