remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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