She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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