all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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