If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
