We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
