this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Randomize
