its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
