Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
