I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Randomize
