You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
