Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
