Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
