Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
