he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize