If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
