So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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