I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
