VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
