ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
