I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
