I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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