girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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