It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
