Capitaan dildo arrescate!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
