Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
